Why do we hurt each other?

People can be so cruel! Most people just assume it’s the way we are as a race; that its personality traits, or genetics, but it’s definitely more than that!

Our actions, thoughts, words and behaviours actually speak volumes about the subconscious internal programmes and beliefs we are running from, but...

How did they get there? Who did the programming?

And more importantly, how can we change the programming?

Early years

It all happened when we were young, from within the womb until the age of 7 when the subconscious takes in all information as ‘true’ and stores it ready to be retrieved at a later stage to keep us ‘safe’, or at least to try and stop us from repeating something that created discomfort or pain.

Whether we realise it or not we all have programming and false beliefs, created as a result of interaction with the many people we came into contact with during our early childhood, such as; parents, carers, education, society, community, TV, etc; bearing in mind we made sense of the world with no understanding of it, all assumptions came from a child's perspective.

Typical scenario

Imagine as a very young child you were asked to tell the truth about a situation, maybe you accidentally broke a vase while playing. On that occasion, of course you tell the truth;

"Yes it was me, I am really sorry, it was an accident!"

You are sorry, however, maybe your parent, or carer had a bad day at work and due to their current state of frustration or anger, they get really cross with you. Maybe you were sent to your room, smacked or yelled at.

It became a traumatic event for you; you could see how angry they were and you felt ashamed, rejected and not worthy of their love. At such a young age you had no understanding the feelings they expressed were about their inability to handle their own frustrations about work, and nothing to do with how they felt about you.

You wished it hadn’t happened or maybe the regret was telling the truth, and as a consequence you developed a subconscious fear of telling the truth because of the loss of love you felt when you did.

To your parent or carer the event was probably not that significant, they were just having a bad day or maybe they were trying to teach you a lesson in the only way they knew how to; but to you, as a small child, it was devastating.

In that moment, you felt like they didn’t love you, and that’s what stuck and created the subconscious programme.

Each time, after that event, when you are faced with a difficult situation which requires speaking your truth, the wound is triggered and it’s felt in your whole body; its uncomfortable enough to make you react or respond in a way you wouldn’t, had you not felt the pain of that day.

So, instead of being honest, you learned to bend, manipulate and avoid the truth due to a subconscious fear the truth will create disapproval, loss of love and all those awful feelings like it did that day when you were a child.

Eventually you don't remember the event, but the trigger of the wound and the discomfort you feel forces you to react a certain way each time, because of the now ingrained subconscious programme.

Writing about it makes it sound like a lengthy process with lots of thought about how you might react but that’s not the case, this all happens in milliseconds!

A response is just an impulse reaction.

In reality, it would be almost impossible to do anything other than what the impulse is.

Sadly, most of us are oblivious to the fact, the majority of our actions and reactions are created from the data held within our subconscious, and what's even more tragic is the numerous beliefs most of us hold about ourselves are not even true! They were created by our child self looking at the world from a child's perspective.

Much of the data in our subconscious is outdated or based on limiting or false beliefs, but it is the dominating force behind who we are in the world, and most of our actions, thoughts and behaviours. It is also the root cause of so much of our suffering today.

In the above scenario, the person would go through life with this programme causing further problems in adult life when their dubiousness around speaking their truth, and avoidance of certain conversations, is seen and felt by another.

When another person senses they are not being given the whole truth or things are avoided or brushed under the carpet it will trigger their out dated programmes too. Maybe they have a wound of ‘not being good enough’, or ‘not being considered’, which would be triggered, and consequently they would react from their programme.

This is how the human race interacts with each other, constantly triggering each others’ deepest wounds, and we just can’t handle the pain!

We lash out in ways we wouldn’t normally, we defend our position, create blame to deflect the discomfort and pain away, or, we reach for something to numb the feelings; alcohol, sugar, junk food, gambling, shopping, social media, tv… anything that distracts us and takes us away from experiencing all those uncomfortable feelings inside.

So, how do we make change to the outdated programmes and heal the wounds that created them?

Understanding

All of these programmes were created when we were children.

We made assumptions based on how we felt at the time because we didn’t know any better, but most of these assumptions are not true.

Most of us on the planet have subconscious beliefs of, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not worthy of love’, ‘I am not lovable’ or something similar; all created in childhood by the mind of our child self. We were just trying to make sense of the world, a world in which our parents, carers, wider family, teachers and family friends were doing their best too; acting and reacting from their wounds, programmes and limiting beliefs, without realising either.

Just to be clear, there is no blame, it’s no one’s fault! This has been happening for eons, each generation with their programmes and limiting beliefs impacting the next generation. It’s a cycle that will continue, until we break it.

Once we are aware of the programming and limiting/false beliefs we can make steps to change our own, and eventually we will impact our world in a much healthier way.

Our internal world mirrors our external world!

The more each of us brings change internally, the more it will be reflected in the external world and change will happen.

Energetic healing

Wounds are created by the energetic charge of emotions within a life event, which remain in the body and can be repeatedly triggered; weeks, years or decades after the event.

Each time the wound is triggered your body remembers the discomfort of the event and feels the associated emotions. If the energetic charge of the emotions are not released, they will remain in the body and can be triggered again and again; and over time this can cause health issues.

When we sit with the discomfort and really feel it, this allows the energy to be released which creates healing, and eventually you won’t be triggered in that way anymore.

Take the time to feel the uncomfortable feelings of a trigger, don’t push it away, don’t distract yourself.

Sit with it, feel it, feel love for it if you can, cry it out, dance, paint, do whatever comes intuitively but don’t push it away.

Healing the wound necessitates feeling it, no matter how painful that is.

Just to be clear, I am not saying you have to re-live all the traumatic events in your life and deal with all your wounds individually. You don’t.

Life is the teacher; so, life will bring the triggers ( i.e. the uncomfortable feelings) .

When a trigger comes, rather than having an endless search to determine what event created the trigger, you just need to bring awareness to your body, feel the trigger and its pain, recognise that it is an old wound surfacing and then spend some time feeling into it, rather than pushing it away.

Feel the associated discomfort and it will be released.

Try not to let mind take you into the drama of an event, the purpose of this is to let it go, whatever it is it is in the past and holding onto it is just creating pain for you.

Recognise some wounds may have been triggered many many times throughout your life, each time creating another layer, like an onion. It therefore makes sense the energetic charge of each layer will need to be released to heal the wound fully.

Healing is an ongoing process!

Your triggers are your guide;

listen and act when they arise.

Mental Awareness

Self awareness is crucial!

Try to;

• bring awareness to your every day thoughts, actions and feelings

• recognise when you feel triggered you are acting or reacting from a place of past pain

• ask yourself what core limiting/false belief , programme or fear is at the root of the trigger

Eventually, you will start to see patterns and understand what your limiting beliefs and programmes are.

You need to create new replacement programmes instead and change your limiting beliefs to positive ones. Changing them takes repetition, like learning to drive a car, so you need to put them on repeat until they become the default setting.

Why we absolutely need to make change

Karma is created via the energy within and the energy we create with every thought, feeling, word, action and intention we have.

Our energy creates a frequency, which impacts the unified field, and the law of karma means we will attract energy back, in the form of circumstances, events and people applicable to that frequency.

This is how life unfolds.

It is in effect a mirror and our reality is created from the vibration and frequency that we emit, and our programmes and beliefs have a huge impact on that.

For example, if you are running from a belief/programme of ‘I am not good enough’, you will keep attracting life events, circumstances and people to reflect your belief.

Sounds harsh I know and it is, but each time its an opportunity to dissolve the energetic charge of the trigger and to re-frame the belief to a more positive one.

Each time life shows us a programme is still running, i.e. we feel triggered about something or someone, this is an opportunity to create change.

The key is to do something about it the moment the trigger arises; don’t just mask it with some external pleasure or push it back down or play the blame game!

If we do, we can be certain it won’t be long before we experience something else that shows us the same thing, and the painful or uncomfortable circumstances will keep coming until we give the trigger the attention it needs.

In summary

Life does bring lots of suffering, but the suffering is a great learning tool!

The key to life is to see it as that and learn from it… and as we do, we create different beliefs and different karma which means less suffering.

Only then, will humans stop hurting each other.